not a day goes by
that I don't know that I'm dying

I really have no idea what to say.

I feel like I've had my heart--and stomach, actually--ripped out and stepped on. Repeatedly. I've spent most of this afternoon in tears.

I want to sit and smoke a pack of cigarettes. I want to drink myself into a stupor. I want to curl up in a corner and keep crying until I've got no tears left, until I've got nothing left but the huge, shaking sobs, more like dry heaves than anything else.

I can't breathe. I feel like I've been sucker punched. I mean, maybe if I'd had some idea of what was coming, I could have had some sort of defense up. I left the house at 1:00 for an eye exam feeling depressed, upset, but still vaguely like maybe somehow things could all be ok.

I came home to be hurt more badly than I have been in...well..almost ever.

all the more because I think it was really the last thing I was expecting.

Which was probably stupid of me.

It was definitely stupid of me.

Love,
Beth

touched
you say that I am, too.
so much
of what you say is true.

I'll never
find someone quite like you again
I'll never
find someone quite like you, like you

And don't you feel today, too?



< poetry - flickr - here - then - >